Overdoing it?

I was feeling pretty crappy the last 2 days. Not really a flu, but I had this congested feeling in my head, a small fever, and a persistent headache. Ended up sleeping a lot but the more I slept, the more I felt dizzy when I woke up.

Horrible feeling. What made it worse was the nagging concern over delays in my schedule. No, I wasn't missing any deadlines, but I certainly have some coming up and I know each day lost is another day I have to work double-time to catch up later.

So I'd sit here staring at my computer throughout the day trying to get my mind to push through. Then I'd give up in frustration 30 minutes later. It's been a battle these last couple days.

I've had a few people telling me to remember to take some breaks for myself. They say I'll work better later if I give my mind some time to recover. I know that. I've given this same advice to other people I care about too. But it's easy to say, not easy to do -- especially when you're the only one responsible to get things done for your business.

I also feel guilty sometimes. I may spend the whole day at home "working". But it's not completely without distraction. I may decide to clean my house a bit, I may sit down for Judge Judy (shut up!), or I may decide to take a nap for a bit. So each one of these things make me feel like I'm not actually putting in the time I should. This is where the struggle for discipline kicks in. I'm always mentally kicking myself for slacking. Like I'm the worse boss to myself.

But I will force myself to take a break. How funny is that? :) I DO know the books I've read about self-employment all encourage me to take control of my business, don't let it control me. So maybe beginning this week I will enforce one or two days a week where I'll just absolutely not think about work at all.

So my family on my dad's side recently built a temple to the "Lo" family line somewhere in China. I guess it traces our lineage back to who knows where. I've been "volunteered" to donate some money for the building of this temple. I had a hard time with donating. (1) because I was never asked, (2) a temple seems like such a waste of money. If I had money to give away I would have felt a Red Cross would have needed it more, and (3) I'd likely never see the temple myself. 95% of the Lo side line I've never even met before.

Now of course I feel horrible. If I don't donate it's like I'm letting my dad down. But it couldn't have come at a worse time when I'm worrying about cash flow and all that good stuff. Plus my Aunt (dad's youngest sister) has always sent me money for my Christmas and Birthdays ever since I was a baby. I am almost obligated to give money to this whether I like it or not.

I hate being obligated for anything. Those who know me knows that if someone tells me I have to do something or I CAN'T do something, I end up doing the opposite. It's like I hate having people tell me what to do, and I hate people telling me I can't do something. I don't know where I get this attitude from.

Well, I hope my donation goes towards something good in that temple. I'll imagine they're training Shaolin monks in there or something. Maybe it will buy them rice cakes.