Tool

TOOL, one of the last remaining great metal bands I love in the last decade is playing here for concert for the past couple nights. I went to last night's show and tonight I'm headed for the 2nd show too.

It was fantastic. Their drummer, Danny Carey, has got to be the best drummer I've ever seen and heard. As performers, they play their music just about album-perfect, but I must say they're rather dull as an overall act. Their singer Maynard, is a fantastic singer, but somehow he's got some problem with lights, stagefright or something because he stands in the back by the drummer with no spotlights on him at all.

Danny plays picture perfect with his drum rhythms, but he's so good he makes it look effortless and almost dull. Kind of like the drummer for the Rolling Stones, how he just sits there expressionless. Meanwhile the guitarists just pretty much stand there the whole time. Which I can understand because their music is so intricate. So as musician live acts, they aren't your typical thing.

On the flip side, they have this awesome film and digital imagery that plays behind the band that's synched to their music....so it's almost like watching some kind of tripped out music video akin to Pink Floyd's "The Wall". I liked it.

It's been a while since going to a good rock concert. I feel like such an old fart. I can't stand the crowds anymore. It always seems like we have the habit of catching the most obnoxious concert attendees in front of us every concert we go to. Why is it that there's always some idiot that feels like they have to act like a total fucktard at these shows? The whole moshing thing is so 90s man. Get over it! Now you just look epileptic when you do that.

I felt my old moshing reflexes come back. You really have to watch yourself when there are others around you acting like idiots at these shows. I've learned several mosh survival techniques:

1. Protect the little soldier. (i.e., nuts, balls, family jewels). Keep that one hand always ready to protect the most valuable part of your male anatomy. Females should be protective of your parts too, for that matter, but it probably hurts us guys a bit more to get kicked in that area with some steel toe boots.
   
2. Keep your legs firmly set. Sometimes you get pushed around a lot at these shows. So you want to do the whole kungfu thing where you keep one leg in front of you and one behind. So you can distribute the weight evenly and not get knocked over.
3. One of my favorites I used to use.....act like an even crazier idiot then the guy next to you. If you can outdo the jerk next to you by being an even crazier jerk. They'll usually leave you alone. Swing those arms around like a big monkey (Mr Peepers?) and they'll give you a lot of personal space.
   
4. A good technique is to do a lot of high-fiving. Somehow high-fiving is an international concert-going signal for "yeah I think you're an idiot and I don't know you. I probably will never see you again, but if I high-five you somehow I'm just as cool as you are".
   

Yeah, I'm going to turn into a grumpy old man someday.