Bizarro World

So tomorrow's the "big dinner"...what's technically the 1st official reception of our wedding Chinese style for my fiancee's family here in Hong Kong. This is happening about a week before we all go back to Hawaii for the official ceremony and then smaller dinner reception after that.

Judging from the amount of chaos and running around we've been doing these last few days, tomorrow's dinner may even be more complicated and stressful then the actual events over in Hawaii.

Weddings are super complicated things here in Hong Kong as opposed to back in the States. I'll give you some examples:

1) In addition to my fiancee's white wedding dress, she has a red traditional Chinese dress with the gold frills, and THREE evening gowns to change into during the course of the night. God knows what I'll be doing during those sessions where she has to go and change. Do I sit there at the head table trying to look like I know what I'm doing or do I follow her into the changing room like a lost puppy? I may seem silly going along with her because I'm going to come back out looking exactly the same. On the other hand maybe I'm supposed to go so I can escort her back out?

2) 5 dresses for the night means 5 of everything else. 5 hairstyles, 5 sets of different headwear. 5 sets of matching jewelry. 5 different hues of makeup combinations. For you future grooms out there who have to follow your fiancees into the makup rehearsal...count your blessings. I had to sit through FIVE trials.

3) There are rituals to perform. In western weddings, you know we usually might get cash or maybe even some gifts from the guests right? Well, if you've ever been to any chinese function at all in your life, you know we usually get these little red lucky packets called "li si" (pronounced kind of like "light" without the "t" sound, and "see"). Li Si is a good thing, because you know you're getting lucky money. But what I just discovered is that it's tradition for the couple to give Li Si packets back to people that gave some to you! So half the evening is spent recieving Li Si, and then giving some back again. It's crazy confusing because you have to prepare all these Li Si packets before the wedding and start handing them back out again to the guests during the dinner.

Plus you have to do it a certain way. When you recieve these Li Si, you should always use 2 hands and say thank you a special way. Chinese has 2 forms of saying "thank you". One form is used only when you recieve gifts or cash

3) Then you got the food itself...there's going to be a lot of it. I think we may end up with a 9-course dinner. There's always something for everyone there. Don't worry if you're a picky eater..guarantee there will be regular things such as roasted duck, grilled chicken, steamed fish, soup. Now this is a total "joy luck club" moment, you have to always let the oldest person on the table sample the food first. And then it rotates around the table on the carosel. Sometimes if you sit on the opposite side of the table all night, or you're the youngest one there...you might be shit outta luck because the the dish would be all gone by the time it gets to you. By that point there's maybe a couple of shrimp chips on the plate you can suck on .

4) I have to get up and say this speech to some 130 guests I've never met before nor speak my language. What do I say? I can't even start off with a joke, they probably won't even get it. Anybody out there know any dirty knock knock jokes in Chinese? I'm just going to wing it and ramble on. I'm told the MCs can translate for me. Maybe I'll use nonsense words in my speech just to mess with the MCs? "Eagle feather night fly up pigeon's nest coo-coo co0-coo?"

5) My fiancee's going to be decked out. Picture Queen Amidala with all her fancy gowns and headwear....I think you got a pretty good idea. Honestly, I think it's a bit too much. But even this is a cultural thing. Asian people apparently find ornate and shiney things to be very high fashion. Very opposite to our western style where less is better. So Asian people might look at the fashion that we wear as drab or old fashioned. I heard someone comment that western peole wear "table cloths & window drapes". We might look at Asian fashion and decide they look like little sparkly chickens.

I narrowly escaped. The tux store selection was scary. 3/4ths of the stuff looked like it came out of Prince's winter collection. I luckily found something that was more low key, but even then it has pin-stripes and a ducktail. I feel kinda like someone out of the Godfather movies but thank god I won't be scarred for life with some of those other Liberace suits.

Well, If I think of anything else I've observed here, I'll report back.