Posted by on Jan 2, 2014 in Personal | 0 comments

I have a best friend’s daughter going though some sadness ending a trip to visit her long-distance partner. I feel a little bit of ownership on this situation (1) because after spending 2 years with my now-wife doing a long distance thing, I can claim a little bit of experience on this matter, and (2) I see her almost like a daughter having carried her in my arms when she was just a baby. Now she’s all “growed up”.

Because she’s likely too shy to ask, here’s my free advice if she ever needs a way to deal with this situation:

  1. It can have a happy ending. Despite the many stories of a long distance relationship not working, it CAN end up with the result you want. I’ve now been happily married with my wife nearing 7 years now….after spending 2 years prior to that an ocean apart. So don’t assume it can’t happen.
  2. That being said, it’s a good idea to establish early in your relationship if the EACH of you would be willing at some point in your life to relocate. You want to enjoy this early relationship for what it is, but because LDRs can be very difficult both emotionally and financially, you want to at least establish that there COULD be that final result at the end of the tunnel. No need to force the issue and commit anything at this early stage, but you both want to establish if this relationship really pans out that you could take that big step to leave everything you know for this other person.My wife and I had this discussion early on. As it turned out, she ended up making the big step to leave her life in Hong Kong to make a home here in the U.S. New customs, new language, new friends…miles apart from her family. Looking back I was equally prepared to make the same move there to Hong Kong at the time but the transition might have been more difficult as my career wasn’t as flexible transitioning there as hers was coming here. The important thing was that we were both ready.
  3. There’s really no way to make the pain of separation any easier. I clearly remember how much I hated parting with my wife after each visit. And that heartache started happening maybe a day or two BEFORE the visit would end. It sucked like nothing I could describe. But I think I learned to just accept it as part of our special relationship. I found that the harder it was to leave her was equally balanced out by the extreme feeling of excitement I had each time I was starting on a trip to see her. I remember once seeing her come around the arrival exit in the airport and just touching her hand almost felt like there was real sparks. THAT hugely elevated feeling was golden, I will never forget it….it really leaves credence to the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” In many ways I think remember how good that feeling was helps our relationship now….whenever we have some argument or something now, I remember how much she meant to me on those visits. This memories are gifts to our marriage I think maybe other “normal” relationships do not experience.
  4. Another gift that I feel I got out of the experience is the feelings of complete “trust”. Because of our physical distance I had to accept that I had no control over my partner’s life beyond that once-a-day communication we set up each evening. Who she saw or what she did beyond that was completely out of my control. It didn’t bother me…I figured if we were both going through this much trouble to “see” each other, I HAD to assume she wanted the same result I did. This same feeling of completely letting go of any jealously is still something I carry with me in our marriage today. We’re together not because of this tiny piece of paper that says we’re married, but because we simply want to be together.

I hope these little bits of experience tips helps her and those others of you out there with similar long-distance relationship issues. Comments or stories of experience in these areas are welcome! (Image from The Art of Living)