Posted by on May 17, 2013 in Personal, Rants | 0 comments

This weekend we set off for Disneyland. It will be my first visit in 20 years and Kingston’s first visit in his entire life. I don’t know who will be more excited. I think it I am more excited than he is at this point….his concept of Disney is just a vague understanding that he’s going somewhere that will involve a long plane ride and some kind of goofy looking mouse. Aside from the little Disney intro graphics he sees at the start of his favorite Pixar movies, he has no understanding about what he’s going to see there at the park. I think this will blow his little mind. As a relatively new parent, I live for these moments where you can witness your little child’s vision of the world get that much bigger once he notices something entirely new.

This trip couldn’t have come at a better time. I honestly have been feeling some of my deepest lows in recent history…and I can’t place why. I say this with absolute sincerity — I think I have everything most people need in life, a happy family, a comfortable home, some nice material toys to keep me entertained, and a happy career. So part of my frustation has been this inability to understand why I just couldn’t FEEL as happy as I should be.

I’ve come to the conclusion it’s two major things right now:

  1. I lost one of my best friends. No he didn’t die or anything. He just simply left…he left his family and he left his friends. He simply changed lives, found himself another woman and left us behind. Of course this affects his family more than anyone else, but I’ve been feeling a hole in my life now for a good few months. This is a friend who I chose to depend on whenever shit hits the fan in my life, and now he’s virtually no longer around. I’ve accepted the situation. But I can’t explain the feeling of feeling a gap somewhere inside.
  2. The second thing that I think is causing my funk is the news. I have NOT followed my own advice I set for myself years ago to simply STOP following the news media. But somewhere along the line I got suckered in like everyone else watching depressing news stories — stories of war, stories of our ineffective politicians, stories of crazy people harming innocent people, stories of brutality and kidnapping, stories about how we’re fucking up the world at the same time other countries are fucking up the world even worse than we are. It’s really bad….if you ever notice, once you start this cycle of watching the news all the time, it’s a never ending spiral down into depression because you feel like you simply can’t do anything about it all. I have to simply remind myself not to watch the news. Only positive in from this point on.

Disneyland will be good. Nothing but castles, princesses, talking animals, sugary treats…..happiness!