Posted by on Aug 27, 2008 in Rants | 0 comments

Once in a while I feel like I’m losing control…

I got all this responsibility, which naturally comes with some success right?  You know, I got this new condo, I got momentum in my business, I got this new teaching thing, I have a beautiful wife and a kid on the way…

Alright, I know, “You want all that stuff, you gotta put up with the crap that comes with it Raph”  Yeah yeah, shuttup inner monologue.

I just beat myself to death over being something for everybody though – you know, if I don’t keep busting ass at work I can’t support my family, if I don’t keep showing up at my business network meetings these members will end up cancelling their memberships, if I don’t brush up on my design chops, my students will think I’m full of shit.  Right?

You know, one thing at a time is fine…but it’s the culmination of everything together that’s a bitch.  You know how those Chinese circus acts are where they balance a billion wooden chairs up on top of their heads and then they toss an extra circus baby up to the top?  That’s how I feel sometimes.

I told my wife, “I need a vacation where I’m just going to sit around and do nothing. No responsibilities” She’s gonna come home one day, I’ll have a 2 week old fu-manchu beard, pizza boxes will be strewn across the floor, game consoles and DVD covers will be surrounding me smeared with grease, and tomato sauce will be running down my face.  I’ll be snoring on the floor in the middle of the living room, TV will be on running some porn show on Cinemax, and I’ll have nothing on but 5 day old boxer shorts and one sock.

I can dream.